Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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