Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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