i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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