I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
