if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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