dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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