Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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