the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
