bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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