ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
