3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
