hotel room ftw
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
