I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
