I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
