youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
