how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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