ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
