the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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