I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
