At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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