I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
