am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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