I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
