i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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