and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
