Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
