Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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