Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
