Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
