Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
