I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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