I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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