Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
