So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
