first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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