If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
