Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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