Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
