also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
