I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
