Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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