I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
