I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
