tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
