i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
