Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
