the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
