So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
