I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
