You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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