You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
