Umm I'm too high to move.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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