I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize