she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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