How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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