i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
