i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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