uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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