that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
