My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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