this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
