If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
