Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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