so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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