i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
