Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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