She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
