Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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