Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I faked an abortion last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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