Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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