Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
