i was born a porn star she said
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
