dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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