I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
