I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
