apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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