you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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