this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
