He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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