Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
