break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
