Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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