'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
